I’ve heard about these creatures before, but I knew little about them. Every now and then they would come out of the wild and into civilized society. But only briefly. Just enough to leave their mark and disappear into the safety of the wilderness. Sure, a few stories about them could be found, but how much was true?
My curiosity got the best of me. I had to find out for myself.
I decided to travel to one of their hiding places. Yes, there was an element of danger but conservatives like me fear little. Where others cower at danger, we see it as a challenge to overcome.
I crept in slowly. Not because I feared them, but because they startle easily. Instantly, I noticed that they were very controlling. Their leader, whom I shall call Kaybama, was in complete control. Everyone obeyed her commands. Dissent or free thinking was not allowed. They weren’t very friendly, so I kept my distance. I was hoping that over time, I could get close enough. Close enough to talk to them, even yes- understand them. Something that, I’m not sure, has been done before. The excitement began building.
The days went by slowly. Trying to understand them became difficult. Was it my lack of skills? No. I have been well trained to handle difficult and demanding situations. As a veteran, we have experienced many things typical civilians have not. As I would find out much later, this training proved invaluable.
They seemed quite paradoxical. They would say one thing, but their actions would clearly be opposite. Was this a game? A cruel test for younglings? An ironic rite of passage even? Ever curious, I engaged them. The result I say, is best left for the hardiest of souls.
I had heard their leader, Kaybama, speak that ‘war should be banned’. Emotionally, I was impressed. This uncivilized group did not like war. Yes, I thought to myself, a peaceful group of natives. I could relax and not worry about being the next meal. But disappointed as well. Intellectually, how could they think by banning something, that it would work? Prohibition didn’t work. The ‘war’ on drugs has gone on for many years, perhaps it will even last for a hundred years. Kaybama also said something about it being ‘cowardly’ to strike an enemy when they cannot strike back. This did not surprise me. This usually happens when a group is inferior to another. Others that have advanced will intimidate them. The result being the weak will demand the strong to ‘dumb down’.
I felt it was time to educate their leader about the foolishness of banning something like war. This was a mistake. Was it because I dared to speak to their leader first? Should I have approached a servant and requested a meeting? Or was it because I failed to bring a sacrifice? I’m sure a freshly slain lamb would have filled their bellies and made them more amiable.
Their leader backed into the corner, afraid. Apparently, new thoughts and ideas scare them. The alpha male, whom I shall call ‘Clifhawk’, stepped in to protect their shocked leader. Clifhawk immediately communicated to me that he has advanced beyond the others, even bearing slabs of bark indicating achievement in schooling. I was relieved. I could finally communicate with someone that is ‘intelligent’. But my excitement dwindled as he spoke. Surely, he did have to perform some activity to earn this bark?
His belief was the best weapon in war is the one you don’t use. While this may be true in peace time to prevent a war, but what about during an actual war? It didn’t matter. Odd? Surely you wouldn’t leave your best weapon at home and take your second best weapon to fight? Another paradox. How could it be the best weapon if it is never used? I was about to ask him if he ever got sick, would he want the medicine man to give him the best medicine, or the second best? But I realized it was futile to ask for information.
Perhaps it was my communication skills? I did attend communication classes in the military and college and performed quite well. It would have to be them. Every time I asked a question, they changed the subject. Every point I made was taken out of context. Proof is ignored. And their viewpoints are extremely biased. Maybe it was some sort of a defense mechanism? If you are illogical, maybe it would drive others away from them? Or possibly, a perverse sense of ‘humor’. One where they laugh after the ‘victim’ leaves?
The one thing that surprised me is that they say they have strong support for all warriors, but this was another paradox. ‘Warriors’ from other places were celebrated, but yet when I state that I too was a warrior, I was shunned and insulted. How could this be? A closer study followed, and yes, an answer was found! Only warriors that had the same beliefs as theirs were honored. Anyone that did not denounce this entity called ‘Bushco’ was to be shunned or insulted.
What was this ‘Bushco’? An evil religion? An evil deity? A long lasting deodorant? Nope. Bushco was simply a leader from a distant tribe that stood up against tyrants and terrorists. He feared no one. Apparently, these primitive people fear strong leaders. They believe in talking strongly, but running when faced with an enemy.
Confounded and confused, I decided I had learned all I could from them. I bid them farewell and headed home. Thus ending my foray into the wild with these liberals, liberals in the mist.